Two Steps Below Our Feet
by summerpetrichor
Summary: Jackson comes to check on April after a confrontation about her recent personality shift ends in an argument about the past. With April fueled by Anger, Jackson witnesses how her lack of judgement leads her to be involved in a freak accident. Set after 14x14- games people play.
1. Chapter 1

Jackson met April after work in the rotunda of the hospital. The two had dropped Harriet off with Catherine after work, planning to make dinner together and talk about what had been bothering April. She'd been distant after losing Karin Taylor and most of her other patients the day of the police shooting. She'd been doing things out of character and spending a little too much time staring down a bottle. Jackson had done a lot of convincing to get her to come over. He knew she wasn't okay. He wanted her to know she could talk to him. He still wanted to be her friend.

"How was your day?" He asked; the two were chopping vegetables for pasta sauce.

she shrugged.

"What did you do?"

"You know what I do."

"Alright," Jackson snapped, and then backed off. He didn't want this to start with an argument. He took a minute to calm himself before he got right to the point. "I'm worried about you. You're scaring me," he started again.

She sarcastically laughed, shaking her head from side to side as she cut the peppers a little more aggressively.

"What?" He asked.

"Jackson, you haven't been interested in me or my life in months. In fact, you've done everything in your power to stay away from me and make me out to be the bad guy. You never defend me to our coworkers when I'm called a traitor and incompetent and whatever else they say about me behind my back."

"April, I still care about you. Even if I don't agree with everything you do. I know when something's bothering you and you don't seem like you lately. I'm still going to worry about you."

"I'm sorry It's taking me some time to get over the death of my ex fiancés wife, which I might add, I was responsible for!"

"You didn't kill Karin." Jackson negated.

"You know I haven't seen Matthew in five years?" She paused. "Since my wedding. I never talked to him again after that." Her tone had become dark as she drank from the glass of wine next to her.

"April," Jackson tried to redirect. He had felt the change in her attitude. He didn't like where this conversation was going.

"As if I hadn't already ruined his life enough."

"April, you didn't ruin anybody's life."

"I did," she told him. "And you helped."

"Excuse me?" Jackson swallowed hard, putting his knife down, giving his full attention to April.

"Why did you stop my wedding? I could have been with someone who actually loved me."

"Why'd you leave with me?" He countered. "You didn't love Matthew. If you did, you would have married him. It wouldn't have mattered what I said."

She looked down.

"And I did love you," He added.

Her breath caught in her throat. Did. Past tense. She felt the hot anger swell in her stomach. "Is that why you bailed when things got too hard? When your perfect family wasn't so perfect? When life with me wasn't what you pictured? When we lost our baby?"

"I didn't bail, April! You did. You left me alone to deal with Samuel. I had no idea where you were half the time! I didn't even know if you were alive. I just wanted us to get through that together. But you didn't care about me. It was all about what you wanted to do. I worried myself sick every night about you, but you were just fine with that."

"I didn't bail, Jackson. I went away to help people who really needed it. To expand my skills. You knew where I was. I was with Owen. It was months after Samuel died. And neither one of us were getting any better. I thought that would help me heal. And it did. And then I came home. You called it off. Not me. I wanted you to come with me!"

Jackson was silent, his fists clenched, breathing heavy, taking time before he lost it and regretted whatever came next out of his mouth.

"Why are we even talking about this?" April said. "We've discussed this six ways til Sunday. It doesn't matter now."

"Okay," Jackson said. "Let's not worry about that. Tell me how you feel right now. About everything that's happened lately. What are you thinking?"

"You don't have to worry about it," April said. "It will just lead to another fight. You'll tell me it's not my fault, get over it. Then you'll make it about you and I'll just get drunk."

Jackson slammed his hand down on the counter. "If you don't knock it off I'm not going to let Harriet stay with you."

Her head snapped up, looking into his eyes. "What?" She asked. Her eyes were wounded and Jackson immediately regretted bringing their daughter into this.

"You think I would do something to Harriet?" April asked shocked.

"No. That's not what I mean."

"Then what are you saying?" She demanded.

He didn't know what to say. Nothing could possibly make this conversation better.

"You can't keep me from seeing my baby."

"Your judgment's not right. If I don't think Harriet is safe, I'll do whatever I need to make sure you're not going to take her."

April picked up the peppers she had cut, flinging them at Jackson. "You gonna take me to court?" She accused, "Tell a jury about how I'm crazy?"

"April." Jackson demanded.

"Go ahead, say it. Say you think I'm crazy."

"Are you kidding me?" He yelled, gently grabbing her hands between his.

"Get off!" she fought, writhing against him, shoving him away from her. "Don't touch me."

"Okay." He said, immediately letting go, holding up his hands in surrender, his heart pounding.

"I'm gonna go," She said, turning towards the door.

"April, come on. Wait. Just…"

She slammed the door in the middle of him talking.

"April!" He screamed from the doorway at her retreating figure.

She drove home, her mind clouded with anger as she pressed the petal a little too hard, her knuckles white as she wrung the steering wheel. When she got home to her apartment, she checked her phone, noticing the new message from Jackson.

 _I'm sorry. Please let me know when you get home._

She grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter and sat down on the couch. After one glass, she already felt herself relaxing. Since she hadn't eaten dinner the effects were happening faster than usual. Her phone vibrated again.

 _Are you home? Please answer me.  
_

She felt a little guilty not answering. She wouldn't have liked it if he did that to her, especially now with Harriet to worry about. She thought about answering, but couldn't find the energy or the desire. Fifteen minutes later he was calling, followed immediately with a text message.

 _Are you OK? Why aren't you answering?  
_

April turned her phone off. She couldn't deal with Jackson anymore tonight. She drank two more glasses of wine before deciding to climb the tiny latter up to the terrace on the roof, overlooking Seattle. Fresh air would help. Her apartment was on the top floor and the reason she had wanted it so bad. She'd wanted this roof. She imagined herself reading up here, and planting a garden, and hanging pretty lights for small parties, but she hadn't been up here in a while. She glanced around at all of the plants she had forgotten to take care of, drooped over and dying as she took large gulps of the wine. She felt completely at ease now. Screw you, Jackson. She thought to herself and then said it aloud. Husbands didn't leave their wives when things got hard. They were supposed to heal together. They were supposed to love each other despite the hardships. They were supposed to support each other and forgive each other. She concluded he'd probably never loved her at all. They'd always just been high-strung emotions. Jackson only wanting what he thought he couldn't have. She'd just been a game for him. She could have been happily married to Matthew. Had a family with him that was never broken. Karin would still be alive, living her life somewhere else. April inched closer to the edge of the roof, her head swam from the wine. She looked at the ledge, and before she knew it, she was climbing up there, uninhibited, to overlook the city. Her heart spiked and she liked the feeling. Concentrating on this helped her forget about Jackson as the cars sped past down below and she thought about the people of Seattle living their lives. Slowly and nearly drunk, she began to walk the ledge the length of the terrace as if it were a balance beam, her arms outstretched as the wind blew gently around her. Goosebumps raised on her flesh, her heart pounding with adrenaline. She laughed at how ridiculous she was being. This was dangerous. She should get down. This wasn't like her.

"April." She heard a calm, shaky voice say behind her. He was quiet. He hadn't wanted to startle her. She turned, and saw Jackson's figure, partially hidden in the shadows. His wide, terrified blue eyes illuminated by the city lights. He inched toward her, his hand outstretched. "Please get down." But her balance was off now. The wine had thrown off her equilibrium, and the turn of her head had made her feel too dizzy. That was when her weight shifted, her foot sliding off the ledge. She tried to steady herself with her arms.

"April!" Jackson screamed her name this time raw and strangled with fear, lunging towards her. There was no chance of reaching her in time. She was being pulled to the wrong side, and now she was falling.

She heard Jackson scream agonized, incoherent sounds.

She was too stunned to make noise. Instead she closed her eyes tight, and waited for impact.

* * *

April was slightly aware of the pain that shot through her left leg. She felt her back against a cold, rough surface. It was uncomfortable. She needed to shift her position, but she couldn't move. She tried to open her eyes to see, but her body wouldn't obey. Her heart started to pound. She was trapped. She couldn't remember what was going on. Her mind raced as her breathing sped up, but she was unable to take a deep breath. She couldn't get the air far enough into her lungs. She felt like she was suffocating.

That's when a warm hand grabbed hers; the other went to the top of her head, clinging tightly onto her. There was a weight above her, leaning across her chest, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It felt comforting and protective. There was someone here with her. Her breathing began to slow as her body felt more oxygenated, the burn in her chest a little less. The hand in hers had two fingers on her radial pulse. That began to slow as well.

"Thank God." He breathed. He had worried she was going into shock, but he realized instead that her body was reacting to fear. She was at least a little aware of her surroundings. "April, can you hear me?" His voice was familiar.

She could hear him, but she couldn't say that. Nothing was working like it should. She felt like she was underwater, her body too heavy to respond.

"Can you squeeze my hand?"

She tried. Nothing.

"Try to stay calm. Help is coming," He told her, his voice breaking. She finally placed the voice. This was Jackson. Was he crying?

She heard the familiar sound of sirens; a lot of people around her now. Jackson was shoved aside, the weight disappearing. No. She needed him there. She started to hyperventilate again, her heart rate climbing, her chest rising and falling at much too quick a rate.

"I need to hold her." Jackson begged. "She's panicking."

They stepped away, letting Jackson take her hand again. He leaned close to her head. "April, I'm right here, sweetheart. Just hang on."

A hard collar was placed around her neck.

"April," Jackson said, "I'm going to let go, but I'm right here."

He dropped her hand, as she was log rolled sideways to get a backboard under her before she was lifted and shifted to a stretcher, tight buckles stretched across her chest, stomach, and legs. Light was shinned into her eyes as her lids were forced open. She tried to make them stay open, but she couldn't.

"Eyes are equal and reactive," she heard the paramedic report.

"Are you with her?" She heard one of them ask.

"Yes," Jackson answered.

"How old is she?"

"Thirty-six."

The medic was talking into his walkie, updating the hospital, as he reported that a trauma patient in her mid thirties had fallen from her roof and reported with multiple fractures and possible organ damage. "Patient is currently stable and breathing on her own. We'll be there in fifteen."

She felt the movement of the rig. The pain was becoming worse. Not just in her left leg, but intense pain shot through her right wrist, and her chest. It hurt to breathe. She was breaking through the fog she was in. She tried to shove it down again, but she couldn't and now the pain was too much. She wished she'd go unconscious. Instead, she broke the surface, her eyes opening to see the inside of an ambulance, the shifting with the pain making her nauseous. Jackson's hand was in her hair, the other in her left hand. She tried to focus her eyes against him.

"Hey," he said, his voice came out choked but full of relief.

"Jackson," she croaked. He felt her pulse thump faster against his fingers, her eyes fluttering against the lights.

"Hey," he said again, stronger this time, more direct. "Open your eyes, look at me, please."

"I'm scared." She told him. "It hurts a lot. I can't move." The fear in her eyes nearly broke his heart.

"I know. I'm scared too. We got you. We're almost there." Jackson couldn't hold it together anymore, he leaned his forehead against April's, crying as his tears fell around her. He couldn't be a doctor right now. Scared was an understatement.

A paramedic put a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him as he pulled him off April, trying to keep both of them calm. April was now sobbing too.

When April was taken into the pit, Owen Hunt nearly dropped the stack of charts he was carrying. He'd heard the report, but his mind refused to believe it was about April.

"What happened?" he demanded at Jackson, pulling him aside as April was taken out of sight to a trauma bay.

"She fell off her roof terrace."

"Three stories?" Hunt mused.

"She fell two and her fall broke by the awning around the downstairs apartment before she fell the rest of the way. She was unconscious when I got to her, but she started breathing and had a pulse."

Hunt shook his head in disbelief. An awning had saved April Kepner's life. "She fell?" Hunt repeated.

"She was drinking… She was standing on the parapet."

Hunt's eyes asked for more information, but Jackson couldn't give it right now. "She fell," he said again before turning and running to find her.

"Her blood pressure is too low," he heard Bailey say, "I'm starting her on a saline drip before she goes into shock."

Jackson watched from the doorway.

"Hurry, she's getting too tachycardic," Meredith said. "Respirations are at 34. Get her on oxygen." She ordered a nurse. "We need to stabilize her to assess these injuries."

Bailey put her hand on April's forehead before she told a different nurse to administer morphine.

"And get Jackson out of the doorway," Meredith demanded to anyone listening.

"Jackson," April sobbed as she saw him standing to the side through her periphery vision.

"No," Bailey said to Meredith. "Avery get in here." She stepped away from April so Jackson could take her place as the morphine was pushed. Only a few seconds later she was already getting sleepy. Jackson wiped away her tears, cupping her face as he rubbed circles with his thumb on her temple.

"Don't leave me, please." She said, her eyes closing.

He didn't want her eyes to be closed. It made him feel uneasy. He couldn't stop his mind replaying this nightmare as he thought back to her falling. He'd seen the large awning catch her, cradling her body for a second before it ripped and she fell through, landing on the sidewalk. He'd never run so fast in his life. His body completely numb as he sprinted down the latter and down three flights of stairs and through the front door. Her chest and abdomen were completely still; he could tell she wasn't breathing and he threw himself on the concrete next to her. He shouted her name as he called 911, screaming into the phone, afraid she'd never open her eyes again. That's when she took a breath.

"Don't let go of me." She slurred, taking him from the scene.

"I won't." He answered, holding onto her as the medicine pulled her deeper until he felt her body completely relax.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackson had never had a panic attack before. He had been numbly led to a chair in the waiting room of the Pit after being forced away from April. It was Bailey pulling him away from her.

"I told her I wouldn't leave," Jackson fought, tears staining his face. He had lost all sense of reason.

"I know," Bailey said, but she continued to encourage him out of the room and Jackson knew he had to go.

They left him alone then only for a short time until Owen appeared and started talking at him. Despite everything he and April had been through, despite their arguments, their divorce, the way they'd acted towards each other, April had kept Jackson as her responsible party, the person delegated to make medical decisions when she could not. She had either trusted him the most to speak for her when she couldn't speak for herself, or forgotten to change it.

He heard Owen talking, but couldn't understand all the words. That's when the room began to spin. His hands were shaking; his heart was racing. His chest hurt. His throat was closing. He couldn't breath. His limbs felt numb, his mouth dry and he was shivering. Why did he feel so cold?

"Jackson, Jackson, Jackson?" Owen was shaking him now, trying to bring him back, but Jackson couldn't see. His vision was tunneling. He put his head between his legs, trying to catch his breath.

"Jackson," he felt a soft hand on his upper back. Amelia was here now, sitting next to him. She pulled against his shoulder, other hand on his chest, encouraging him to sit back and she held an oxygen mask on a portable tank over his mouth and nose. His eyes were still closed, but he started to feel less dizzy, less sick.

"Just breath," Amelia said, putting the strap to the mask around the back of his head to secure it. "Owen, go," she said.

Jackson's head began to clear. Amelia kept her arm wrapped around his back.

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "This is my fault," He said, muffled by the oxygen mask.

Amelia's eyes widened, she shook her head no, but Jackson knew the truth. He'd never forgive himself. The words he'd understood from Owen bounced around in his head. April had been intubated for surgery, she had internal bleeding, her blood pressure was extremely low. Because she had a significant amount of alcohol in her system, because she had not been fasting, she was much more likely to be sick under general anesthesia posing a greater aspiration risk. He heard ringing in his ears after that. Of course he knew that, but his medical knowledge seemed to leave him. He didn't want to hear it. This is what he told other families. This wasn't supposed to be said to him. Owen was asking him if he understood. He didn't. This could not be happening. He tried not to think about it. She would be fine; she had to be.

He couldn't sit here. He broke out of Amelia's hold abruptly standing up, pulling the oxygen tubing with him off the tank, forgetting he was wearing it. He ripped the mask off, dropping it on the ground.

"What are you doing?" Amelia asked startled.

"I have to know she's alright."

"You can't," She said. "Jackson, stay out of it. You know you have to."

He did know that, but he didn't care. He couldn't sit there for however long it would take wondering if she was still alive.

"I'm going to the observation deck," he said. "I won't interfere; I just need to know."

"Jackson," she argued, but he was already running away from her, heading quickly towards the double doors of the Pit and into the main hospital.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex stopped him. As Jackson rushed towards the observation deck's stairs, Alex interfered by practically tackling Jackson from the side. He'd been standing at the information desk when he saw Jackson run past and knew what he was on his way to do.

"Don't." Alex said once they both caught their breath. Jackson had stopped, surprised by the unexpected attack.

"You heard?" Jackson asked, still breathing heavily.

"Everyone heard," Alex adverted his eyes, Jackson's stare becoming too intense. "Don't do this to yourself," Alex continued. "What difference will it make?"

"I have to know what's happening."

"No you don't. You know what's happening. You know there's a team of some of the most talented doctors in the country who are going to do everything they can to save her. You've seen them work before. You know what they can do; that they won't give up unless there is no possible chance. You know they put the most experienced nurses and anesthesia providers in that room with her. You don't need to see it."

Jackson's eyes wavered toward the door to the deck before he nodded in acceptance.

"Come on," Alex said, "let's go wait where we're supposed to.

* * *

Amelia looked at the images of April's intraoperative MRI and CT scan. It has been too risky too take these pictures before getting her into the OR. She was considered too unstable to keep moving. Owen was standing behind her, looking for something in her face to tell him everything would be okay. Amelia had been ready to scrub immediately.

"Unbelievable," she whispered.

"What?" Owen trembled, expecting the worst.

Amelia turned around to look at him. "There's nothing there," she paused, shaking her head in relieved disbelief. "Her brain and spine are fine."

Owen was unsure he heard correctly.

Amelia's hands shook as she untied her mask and walked past Owen from the image lab. She didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want to distract him. He needed to get in to April. She was so relieved she would not be needed in this case. If April came through this, she would cognitively be okay and that was enough to boost Amelia's hopes for April's survival. She turned the corner into an empty hallway and made sure no one was around before sinking onto the floor and sobbing as her pent up fear of April needing brain surgery from a brain bleed began to subside. She wouldn't be paralyzed. April's survival wasn't up to her.

* * *

It had been sixteen agonizing hours before Jackson saw anybody. Alex had stayed as long as he could, but he'd had to return to work. A nurse from the room had called on the phone a few times to let him know that April was doing okay throughout the procedure, but that wasn't good enough. He wanted details. He wanted to see her. He wanted to see somebody.

Or he thought he did.

When he finally saw Owen walking towards him, he felt the same sensations as the first panic attack he'd had when they forced him away from April. He prepared himself for what he was most afraid of. He stood up to address Owen, his heart pounding, bile rising up his throat.

"There was no damage to April's brain or spine. An exploratory laparotomy confirmed the internal bleeding and we were able to stop the bleed and repair the damage. Her abdominal organs are expected to heal with rest and showed no signs of lasting injury. She has several broken ribs, which did not damage to her lungs. Her kidneys are also functioning normally. Her left hip was shattered and repaired by a total joint replacement. Her right wrist was repaired with pins and screws. Her ribs will heal on their own. Her body function is returning to baseline."

Jackson couldn't speak initially. His eyes widened, tears threatening to spill over. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"It's a miracle." Owen said.

Jackson's voice was small, strangled for air, and strained as he spoke, "And right now she's…?" He trailed off letting Owen confirm.

"Stable. She's being transported to ICU. It'll be a while until she's extubated."

The word stable caused a cascading crumble inside him. He had never felt such intense relief in his life. Not even after her C-section. He sunk back into the chair he'd just spent the worst hours of his life in, crying and shaking uncontrollably as Owen sat down next to him. He didn't believe it. His body and mind had prepared him for how he would handle the news that April had died. He had spent the last sixteen hours figuring out what he was going to do once he'd lost her. She was okay. She was alive. She was expected to recover.


End file.
